


You Only Live Once

by Death_By_A_Thousand_Cuts



Category: Glee
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Comedy, M/M, Male Slash, Sort of romantic Blam but not really, blam friendship, please don't take this too seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26732308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Death_By_A_Thousand_Cuts/pseuds/Death_By_A_Thousand_Cuts
Summary: After a Blamtina party gets a little out of hand, Sam is left struggling with the realization he has feelings for his best friend. Desperate to make sense of these new emotions, he travels to the one place he knows for sure there are gay kids who understand what he's going through - Dalton Academy. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson/Sam Evans, Sam Evans/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42





	1. Never Again.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback would be lovely, but this is my first time writing fan fiction, so please don't be too hard on me! This story is supposed to be taken very lightheartedly, so I hope you enjoy!

Tina bringing alcohol should have set off warning bells. The one condition the Blamtina trio had for partying over at Blaine’s was that they. stayed. completely. sober. Tina and Blaine got _wild_ when drunk, and Sam knew he just got too confused to stop them and always ended up letting his friends do whatever they wanted. Last time Blaine had snuck a bottle of this fancy French alcohol from his parent’s liquor cabinet . . . let’s just say the teenagers weren’t the only things that got smashed that night.

_“Eh,” Blaine had shrugged, surveying the wreckage that had once been the Anderson’s expensive looking living room. “My parents won’t give a crap.” Sam and Tina chose not to question, more than glad their parents wouldn’t be getting angry phone calls. “But never again. Please, just . . . don’t.”_

This time Tina had snuck in a pack of beer, mumbling something angrily aboutfake ID’s and skeevy guys at the gas station, and Blaine wasn’t dissenting like Sam thought he would. In fact, he was the first one to pop open a can, take a long swig, and gag.

“Tastes like styrofoam”.

He took another sip.

“What happened to ‘never again’?”, Sam jided.

“That was before Kurt arrived back in town. Now I just wanna get smashed.”

There it was. The tinge of annoyance Sam got whenever Blaine mentioned Kurt. Sam couldn’t tell why, he liked Kurt. Well, at least he liked the version of Kurt he had known in his sophomore and junior year. Blaine had a different version of Kurt, one that could Do No Wrong and was the Epitome Of All Things Great. Blaine’s version of Kurt consisted of a perfect god-like creature the earth was blessed with the presence of. And Sam was sick of hearing Blaine’s excited comments about any small thing he did that Blaine somehow thought meant they were getting back together. Couldn’t Blaine tell they meant nothing? It was all just _“Sam, Kurt smiled at me when we facetimed today”_ and _“Sam, Kurt remembered about my calculus test I have tomorrow”_ and _“Sam, Kurt and I slow danced at the wedding and he told me he loved me and we had sex in a hotel room”._

Like, couldn’t Blaine tell Kurt was completely over him?

Sam was sick of it. He was sick of hearing how great Kurt was, but honestly, he couldn’t really tell why. Kurt was a good guy. If Sam had to pick anyone to be Blaine’s ex-boyfriend who he fawned over he’d pick Kurt; it wasn’t like he was _intentionally_ leading Blaine on. Was it possible Sam was . . . jealous? No, that’s ridiculous. Anyone would get annoyed seeing their best friend simping after an ex. That was it, right? What reason would Sam have to be jealous?

Ridiculous.

But now Kurt was back in town for his father’s cancer treatment, and Blaine was back to his lovesick puppydog ways. _“Can’t Kurt see how much easier it would be for him if he had me as his boyfriend again?”_ and _“I think that we’re really going to get back together this time”._ And finally, _“I’m gonna ask Kurrt to marrrrrryyy meee”,_ his voice slurred and eyes droopy, Tina’s raucous laughter and the empty cans littering the fancy carpet all pointing towards the fact that Sam was, once again, designated driver. But he had to admit that Blaine got _hilarious_ when drunk. I mean, a marriage proposal? Not even Blaine was _that_ crazy.

Tina threw her arms around Sam, a crooked grin plastered on her face.

“Saaaaammm, drink with usssss”, she giggled, thrusting a red solo cup filled with a foul smelling liquid into his hands. “Blainey days said we can - _hiccup-_ crash hereeeee, so you don’t have to drive.” As much as the idea of a crippling hangover when school was two days away sounded amazing, _someone_ needed to keep Blaine and Tina in check. Sam would grudgingly accept the task this time.

“No, I think I’ll pass. Thanks though Tina- wait, don’t cry! No, no, I’m sorry, I just don’t really want to drin-“

“This is a _HATE CRIME_!!!!!”, yelled Blaine, perched on top of the . . . fridge?? How the hell did he get up there?! “Nightbird will puniiiiiissshhh you-“

He slipped and tumbled off the fridge with a crash that rattled Sam’s teeth. There were a few moments of tense silence before Blaine popped up again. “‘m okay”, he grinned loopily. Tina burst into laughter so hard she collapsed, and a slightly disturbed Sam had to grab her arms to support her, steering Tina into one of Blaine’s parent’s many expensive white chairs, which she promptly threw up all over. Blaine started crying.

Resigned, Sam raised the glass to his lips. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

A few drinks later and he had no regrets. The room was spinning, but he felt warm inside in a vaguely comforting way. It was nice to just let loose, give in to the crazy of his friends. Senior year was coming to a close faster than he expected, and Sam wanted to make the most of the time he had left as a kid. For now he would just enjoy himself, enjoy the drunken karaoke, enjoy Tina and Blaine giggling in a corner, and suddenly he had a feeling they were talking about him and Tina had a slightly predatory look on her face and oh god what were his insane friends talking about and then Blaine’s lips were on his and -

Oh. _Oh._

Blaine was kissing him. He was kissing Blaine back. And it was the alcohol in his system, it had to be, because the kiss felt good. Like, _really_ good. Blaine tasted a bit like peppermint, and his lips were soft and the hands gripping Sam’s face were too and Sam felt himself sink into it, let his body respond automatically even though the back of his brain was going “ _WARNING! WARNING! YOU ARE MAKING OUT WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND. THAT IS KIND OF GAY.”_ And there were other worrisome things too, like how Tina was enjoying this a _bit_ too much, and how Blaine whispered _“Kurt”_ when he pulled away for air, but then Blaine was kissing him again and . . . wow. A lot of things were starting to make sense, and Sam wasn’t sure he liked the conclusion.

Blaine finally pulled away, Tina letting out a sigh of disappointment (what the fuck Tina?), and Sam’s whole neck and face was flushed with an intense excitement. Blaine draped his arms around an awkward Sam, resting his chin on the taller boy’s shoulder and nuzzling into his cheek. “Daaance with me, Kurrrrt.”

Wait . . . Kurt? Are you fucking kidding me? Blaine thought he was _Kurt._ Sam suddenly felt way too hot, and the room too small. That’s why Blaine kissed him. Not because he liked Sam, but because he was drunk and convinced himself Sam was his ex-boyfriend. There were a lot of emotions Sam couldn’t explain bubbling to the surface, and he couldn’t help but wonder . . . no, he’d think about that when he wasn’t drunk.

“Blaine”, Sam tried, “I’m not Kurt.”

“What?”

“I’m Sam. Not Kurt, buddy.”

The look of pure disappointment on Blaine’s face was enough to make Sam feel a little (okay a lot) offended. He wasn’t _that_ bad, right? He was hot. Blaine himself used to like him before. What the fuck did Kurt have that he didn’t?

“Liar.” Blaine’s voice was sudden and hard, his eyes narrowed and chin lifted.

And then Blaine was kissing him again, rougher, with tongues and teeth and Sam felt like he could drown in all of this, because there was so much going through his head and heat racing through his body, and it was new and he wanted to keep kissing Blaine, to kiss him forever right now because he knew when Blaine was this drunk it might be the only chance he got to kiss him. But that would be taking advantage of him, and Sam refused to do that, not to anyone, especially not to Blaine, his best friend, god why had he kissed his _best friend_ , so he pulled Blaine off, gently placing him against the couch as his lips seemed to burn from sudden lack of warmth.

“Still Sam.”

“Fuck.”

“. . . yeah.”

“It worked in the fairytales”, Blain responded, slumping against the sofa. And wow, because that comment kinda hurt. Blaine literally admitted that Sam was just a . . . frog? Something he could kiss and try to turn into his prince charming? And there was a deep weariness settling in Sam’s bones, all the weight of the last few minutes crashing around him as he struggled to breathe fully. He turned, hoping Blaine would have words he didn’t, but the dark haired boy had snuggled into Tina on the couch, their snores mingling with each other’s as the room took on an almost eerie silence.


	2. Self Discovery . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! I think the next chapter might be the last :D

The shower was where Sam went to think when the thoughts in his head got too loud. The brutal heat and water hammering against his back seemed to force the thoughts right out of his head, and he knew they weren’t going to come out any other way.

Come out.

Ha.

After the kiss, he had left his friends to sleep on the thick carpet in the other room. He woke up to find a still-sleeping Tina and a Blaine with no memory of the last night, which he had assumed was a good thing. Sam had mostly ran home, the aching in his legs taking the edge off the hangover a bit; it was long, but the steady rhythm he fell into was relaxing, and he let his body carry him to the bus stop to Lima. It was easy to not think, and to just move and run and try to forget. He had gotten good at dissociating himself from his body when he was a stripper, and learned a long time ago that working out could be used like a sort of drug when he didn’t want to face reality. And Sam wished he could just pretend last night never happened, like if he did maybe he can convince himself it was a weird dream, but he knew he couldn’t.

Because he had kissed Blaine. He had _liked_ it. He had kissed him back. And Sam had kissed girls he wasn’t attracted to when he was drunk, this kiss with Blaine wasn’t like that. It didn’t feel like the alcohol was giving him feelings he didn’t have sober, rather it felt like the alcohol was just giving him the courage to act on them.

So, was he gay? One part of his brain said no, that was ridiculous. He’d liked girls in the past, he still did. Loved them actually. So how could he be gay? Even if he did like guys, like _Blaine_ , he also had and still kinda liked Quinn and Brittany and Santana. He knew that for a fact. So there was no way for him to be gay.

But another part of his brain said “I dunno man, you made out with your best friend and didn’t even say no homo. That seems pretty gay to me”. That was the part of his brain that noticed the one curl on the nape of his neck that would always escape Blaine’s hair gel, that noticed the strange color of Blaine’s impossibly wide eyes. That was the part of his brain that got angry when Blaine fawned over Kurt, that found himself unconsciously watching Blaine a bit too much when he performed.

Oh fuck, he had feelings for Blaine.

It made a lot of sense now, all the ways he acted not even realizing the implications. He remembered how genuinely excited he was when Blaine had a crush on him, and how he was way too happy once he realized then he should have been. At the time he told himself the joy was just because it stroked his ego, but now Sam saw that it wasn’t. It was because the feelings were mutual, even if Sam didn’t realize it at the time.

But he had blew it. Blaine had had a crush on him, had _sung him a song_ , and Sam had given it up. Let it pass. And now the opportunity for something more was gone, and faded away more and more with every passing day Kurt spent in Lima. And now that Sam could see it clearly, Blaine never really truly had a crush on him. Like a less extreme version of last night, Sam realized, Blaine had been crushing on him as a way to store love he couldn’t store with Kurt anymore. Sam was just a sort of emotional rebound. And that’s what really hurt Sam. Because he was so used to Blaine liking him and now the tables have turned, and he was the one with a crush that wasn’t returned.

But . . . but . . . Blaine was a _guy_. And if Sam liked Blaine that meant Sam liked a guy. And if he liked a guy that meant he was gay. But he wasn’t gay. He liked girls. A lot. Too much actually. So he couldn’t be gay. Gay people didn’t like girls. He had been over this with Blaine, and eventually his slightly exasperated friend had to assure Sam that no, he did not feel _any_ attraction to women, and yes, he was sure. Sam was a bit dubious (who doesn’t like women?), but eventually let it be. It was Blaine who was missing out anyway. Sam bet he could get mad bitches if he wanted to.

But he was getting off track right now. Back to his own sexuality crisis, not Blaine’s lack of one. Sam had no idea whether he was gay or not. I mean, he’d never even _kissed a_ guy. Other than Blaine. Eeek. And there’s no way he was taking an online quiz, he knew for a fact they were wrong after his results when he took it as a joke back in middle school. No, Sam needed to talk to someone. Someone gay. Blaine was out of the question, and Kurt would be multiple levels of awkward.

Well shit, those were the only two gay guys Sam knew.

The answer hit him clearly, and he was shocked he hadn’t seen it before. Where was the one place both Kurt and Blaine had gone to? The one place known for gay kids? The only place he knew for a fact gay teenagers were plentiful?

Tomorrow evening, Sam was visiting Dalton Academy.

* * *

Sam had gone to a private school before, but there was just something so intimidating about visiting Dalton Academy. Looking around at the red brick building, the neatly manicured lawn, the pretty boys in matching blazers, he had never felt felt more out of place. Boys lounging under trees in crisp uniforms stared at him at he made his way up the road to the door, pausing right before he knocked.

He didn’t really have a plan, did he? Was he just supposed to . . . knock? What if the person who answered wasn’t even gay? Now that Sam thought about it, this idea was kinda homophobic. But his best friend’s impulsitivity must have rubbed off on him, because before Sam could answer any of those questions he was knocking loudly on the large front door.

The right one swung open, revealing a lanky meerket-looking boy lounging against the door frame. His eyes swept Sam’s body up and down, and Sam couldn’t shake the feeling every part of him was being scrutinized.

“Yo Sebastian, who is it?”

Sam peered around the guy’s shoulders for the source of the voice, pulling back quickly after being greeted with way too many curious eyes staring back at him from chairs and couches dotted around the room.

“Yeah,” the boy - Sebastian - drawled. “Who are you? We don’t often get visitors from a lower class around here.” Contempt dripped from his voice.

“IthinkImightbegay.”

“Ha, another one of you guys. Well, you know there’s only one way to tell for sure.”

“Is it a test? Because I’m dyslexic so would it be possible to have an oral exam instead-”

“Oh, it can be oral if you prefer.”

“Thank you so much, I didn’t study though - was I supposed to? I didn’t know being gay was something I had to study for-”

“Shut up. Do you want to kiss me or not?”

And since Sam was already riding on the high of admitting his sexuality crisis out loud, and he wasn’t about to risk his masculinity by admitting defeat, he kissed him.

Kissing Sebastian was different then kissing Blaine. While Blaine’s lips were soft and warm, there was something more electrifying about Sebastian. Something more dangerous in the clack of teeth and rough hands gripping his cheeks.

Sam had completely forgotten they had an audience until he pulled away, and was greeted with a cacophony of whoops and oddly polite applause. Blushing wildly, Sam jerked away, looking everywhere except for Sebastian’s smug smile. Wow. _Since when had Sam’s life become a fucking soap opera?_

“So what do you say we take this back to my room?”

“ I, uh, that sounds, sure, I’ll . . .”

“‘Sure’ isn’t a yes Sam, I need actual consent.”

“Yes. I want to . . I . . .”

“Alright. Follow me.”

And Sebastian strolled out of the room, heading up one of the tall staircases as Sam struggled to keep up, rethinking everything in his life that had led up to this point.

“Not again, Sebastian! That is a SHARED room!” Came a yell from below. “That’s it, I’m moving out!”

And then Sebastian was opening the door to a room, and time seemed to stop.


	3. Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!

Wow. So . . . that happened. Sam had done it. Sam had sex with a guy. And he wasn't quite sure how it came to this point.

Yet the lingering question still stayed unanswered. Was he gay? He'd kept his socks on because he'd heard somewhere it's not gay if you do that (though now he wondered if maybe they were joking), but . . . I dunno. It seemed on a scale from one to ten actually fucking sleeping with a guy would be the gayest.

"What's wrong, dude?"

Sebastian was casually doing homework in bed, reading up on calculus as Sam silently freaked out next to him. But Sam couldn't even find it in himself to feel offended, the situation was just so ridiculous.

"You're a guy."

"Well observed."

"I like girls."

At this Sebastian seemed to study his face carefully, before finally setting down his textbook and looking Sam straight in the eye.

"Have you ever considered you might be bisexual?"

"I . . . what the fuck is that?"

"It's when someone likes both boys and girls."

"Wait - that exists?!"

Huh.

It had never even occurred to Sam that he could like both genders. He always thought it was one or the other. I mean, that's how the world works, doesn't it? You're gay like Kurt or Blaine, or straight like, well, everyone else. With the exception of Brittany, of course. She didn't really have a sexuality, she was just . . . Brittany. But that wasn't correct, wasn't it? Brittany was a person. If she could date both girls and guys, who's saying Sam can't? This whole time he'd been thinking about it wrong. It wasn't girls or boys, it was girls AND boys. Goddamit, how'd it take him this long to figure out?!

"I think I am."

It felt so relieving to say that out loud.

"Cool."

Sebastian was just so blasé about everything, it was honestly refreshing. Don't get him wrong, Sam adored Blaine and Tina, but their hysterics and over-emotional reactions to everything could get quite tiring. Sebastian just seemed . . . bored of everything. And while it was odd, its was a nice change of pace. It was so much easier not to freak out when the guy next to you could make you feel like a complete idiot for even thinking of it.

Sam had a sudden urge to thank him for all that he did. And he proceeded to do just that.

Sebastian stared at him blankly for a few seconds. "You're welcome, I guess? It's not like hooking up with you was a chore."

Sam had to fight a goofy grin from spreading across his face. It really was nothing, but he felt that was as close as a compliment Sebastian really gave out.

"No, I mean it. Thanks bro."

"I'm pretty sure you lose the ability to call someone 'bro' after you have sex with them."

Same dry tone, but the words were lacking their usual bite.

* * *

The next day at school Sam couldn't keep his mind on his classes. His brain kept replaying everything that happened in the past few days, and there was so much he could barely wrap his head around it. He was bisexual. Wow.

The one thing he focussed on was Blaine. No matter how awkward it would be, Sam needed to talk to him. Blaine had forgotten everything that happened that night (he was REALLY shitfaced) . . . including the kiss. No memories. Nothing. Sam couldn't tell whether he was relieved or disappointed.

He'd been avoiding Blaine for as long as possible, but his best friend was perceptive and noticed something was wrong right away. And Sam had made excuses for not being able to talk, but there's only so much headaches and stomachaches you can have before it becomes clear they're excuses. Sam needed to come clean about his feelings.

But how do you do that? How the fuck do you tell your best friend that you turned down because you didn't like guys that you actually do and like him now that he's finally reparing his relationship with the ex he's in love with, that you also once turned down because you thought you wee straight? How do you tell him you then proceeded to hook up with someone from his old school, who there's a very big possibility of him actually knowing? That's not something you can just blatantly tell someone.

Sam spent the whole day trying to figure out how to best approach Blaine, but in the end it was Blaine who approached him.

"Sam, you won't believe what I've decided to do!"

Sam decided to let him spill first, he knew whatever crazy plan Blaine had would be much easier than the truth bomb Sam was about to drop.

"I'm going to ask Kurt to marry me!"

What?

"You - you're- you two are back together?"

"Nope!"

What?

"You sure this is a good idea, buddy?"

"I am. I love Kurt more than anybody on this world. More than everybody in the world combined. He is my heart. He is my SOUL. And I know he loves me too. I messed up, but I can make it up to him. I know I can. I know I can make a gesture big enough that he sees how much he means to me. I know it sounds ridiculous, Sam, but you've never loved anybody the way I love Kurt. Our love - it's bigger than this world. And I can prove it."

And suddenly all the words Sam had on the tip of his tongue, his whole speech was disappearing too fast for him to realize. Because Blaine was in love. Heart-stopping, gut-wrenching love. And it wasn't with him.

It wasn't for him.

Maybe this was the world's idea of a sick joke. Forcing him to realize his feelings just as Blaine realized his for someone else. Forcing him to live with the knowledge that Blaine would never look at him the way he looked at Kurt, talk about him the way he talked about Kurt, breathless and too fast, words spilling out with adoration pouring from him.

What is love? Is it doing anything you can to make sure you end up with someone, or is it doing everything your power to make sure they're happy? Sam loved Blaine, he realized suddenly. He knew being with Blaine was what would make him happiest in the world. But he also knew that Blaine loved Kurt. That a future with Kurt - that's what made Blaine get that dizzy look in his eyes that made time stand still. And Sam wanted nothing more than for Blaine to have that look forever.

So Sam had a choice. He could confess his love for Blaine right there and then, and risk ruining everything. Risk ruining the careful bud that was Kurt and Blaine's love just about to finally unfurl. Risk ruining the one thing he knew made Blaine happiest in the world.

Or he could step back. Let Kurt have Blaine, and let Blaine have happiness. Let the world carry on its due path, and instead know Blaine found love, and let that knowledge be enough to satisfy him. Love was about sacrifice, Sam realized. Sacrificing things that might make you happy if it makes the person you love happier. That's what it really meant to love.

"Are you okay, Sam? You're looking a bit sad."

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

And his heart was breaking, but Sam kept a smile on his face.

"About how to make this proposal to Kurt one he'll remember forever."

* * *

Sam ended up sleeping with Sebastian again.

He wasn't quite sure how it happened . . . it just did. His heart was broken and Sebastian's name was sitting there in his phone and he needed the snarky comments and quiet judgment.

Sebastian himself was quiet when it was over, studying Sam in a way that was almost comforting.

"You sure you're alright? You haven't said any dumb comments since you arrived here tonight."

"I love someone."

"Ew."

"I'm helping him plan his proposal for someone else."

". . . Oh."

"But that's what love is, right? Doing anything in your power to see them happy. You're do the same thing in my position, wouldn't you?"

"Honestly? Probably not."

Sam chuckled low in his throat, but the sound caught on its way up. His eyes burned and suddenly he was blinking too fast.

"You made me laugh. I'm about to cry and you're making me laugh."

"Sorry."

"No, don't apologize. It was nice. You're nice."

"I'm really not."

There was a tenderness in Sebastian's eyes he hadn't seen before, and suddenly feeling bold, he leaned over and rested his head on Sebastian's shoulder. The other man tensed, but didn't try to shove him off.

There was a pause, but it wasn't awkward or heavy. It was comforting.

Eventually Sebastian broke the silence.

"I never really do this, but would you like to grab dinner together some time?"


End file.
